Fame & Fortune

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.

– quote of wisdom from the famous actor/comedian Jim Carrey.

Happiness

Look Who’s Talking!

Wise Owl: So, how are you feeling today, Bunny?
Bunny: Oh, I’m so hopping mad!
Sarcastic Snake: Sssheesh! I just can’t stand a bad pun. Hop! Hop! Hop!
Wise Owl: Oh look, Moose is joining us too.
Sarcastic Snake: What? That dumbo too?
Wise Owl: Looks like he has got the new iPad!
Pooh Bear: That is sweet!
Sarcastic Snake: Man, can’t you think of another adjective instead of ssssweet? Must be all that honey you are consuming! Won’t be surprised if you end up being a diabetic,dude!
Elderly Moose: Hi everyone! Guess what? I got myself a high tech pillow- the new iPad!
Wise Owl: Moose, that’s not a pillow. It’s a computer in a tablet form.
Elderly Moose: Oh, dear. No wonder it’s so hard to sleep on. You know, my eyesight and hearing aren’t so good these days. When the salesperson told me the new iPad has a clearer vision and something called ‘retina display’, I thought he was selling me a pillow which could somehow improve my sight.
Sarcastic Snake: Sssssseriously?
Wise Owl: Hey, looks like Sacred Cow could make it to our meeting after all.
Sarcastic Snake: Bummer! Every word that comes out from his mouth always ssssounds like a ssssermon!
Wise Owl: That’s the final straw! Snake, you aren’t perfect yourself, y’know? All of us have to put up with your idiosyncrasy too!
Sarcastic Snake: Whatcha mean?
Wise Owl: I mean … your annoying expressssssion!
Others: Ha!Ha!Ha!
Sarcastic Snake: That’s it! This is bad company. I’m ssssslithering out of here!
Everyone else: Bye, Snake. Sssssssee you sssssoon!

The Avengers’ Interview (..almost)

In conjunction with the frenzy surrounding Marvel’s The Avengers movie, my hyper brain cells drifted me into an illusion of what seemed like a very real interview with the heroes:-

Me: I can’t help but notice that you, The Hulk, seems to be very composed in this interview.
Hulk : Uh huh. Hulk is now attending meditation classes. Nick Fury recommended a great teacher. But fees are steep!
Me : So, how could you afford to pay? Are you working now?
Hulk : Hulk helps to renovate teacher’s spiritual center in return. Hulk smashes down existing walls for expansion. Hulk likes the job and may go into demolition business soon.
Me : Ok….. Guess you found your niche market. Good for you! So, Captain America, what do you do during your spare time?
Captain : I don’t have much spare time. I’m constantly asked to give talks on patriotism. But when I do have a break, I take the opportunity to polish my shield. It’s taken quite a bashing in the filming of the Avengers movie.
Me : Hey, Iron Man, what’s the greatest moment being in your suit?
Iron Man : Oh, that must be when I’m blasting up the skies,penetrating the clouds! Up there, I feel like an Ascended Master!
Me : And what’s the worst moment?
Iron Man : Er… That would be when I’m up there but realize I hadn’t recharged my suit fully the night before. Man, when my juice runs out, it’s free falling!
Me : Ouch…! That must hurt! As for you, Thor, how have you been spending your free time on Earth?
Thor : Oh, I just love checking out the New Age section of the many bookstores here. Occasionally, customers would walk up to me and ask questions about the Gods and heavenly realms. So, I would just hammer the message that despite differences, we are One.
Me : Aah… so kind of you to do that! Last but not least, is there anything you would like to say, Nick Fury?
Nick : Yes, all information revealed just now is classified confidential. So, I am afraid I will have to confiscate your digital recorder! Ideally, I should also be erasing your memory.
Me : What?! Like what the Men In Black do with their flash thingy?
Nick : Exactly! But damn, they patented the device first , so if I were to use that technology, they would sue the pants off the S.H.I.E.L.D organization! So, consider yourself lucky.

Are We There Yet?

Disciple: Master, how long will this journey take?

Master: As long as it should.

Disciple: Hmmm… I meant to ask – how many years will it take?

Master: (Smiles) … As many as required.

Disciple: Sheesh…. Why do you not give me a direct answer?

Master: My answer is as direct as it should be.

Disciple: Look, you are NOT helping at all. For the last time, when will my journey end in this world?!

Master: Dear one, though we are all on the path of self-mastery, your progress can only be determined by yourself alone! Even I cannot master the lessons on your behalf. Ha..ha.. But judging by your questions, I think you will be around for a very … very…long time!!

For Your Enlightenment!

A fairly young man from out of town was ordained as the new Master of a monastery. The excited person quickly started a Q&A session with his new disciples.

New Master : How long does it take for one to attain Enlightenment?

Optimistic Disciple : Months … But with effort, probably weeks.

Pessimistic Disciple : Oh boy, decades at least!

Ignorant Disciple : Er… What is Enlightenment?

Sarcastic Disciple : The same time it takes for someone to replace our fused light bulb.

Overweight Disciple : Gee.. I can’t say. You didn’t specify the weight to be shed, Master.

Chain-smoking Disciple : Whoa… that reminds me about getting a new cig. lighter! I’ll be back before you know it. See you later, Master dude!

Panicky Disciple : Oh no…. You mean you don’t know the answer? Crap, I should have listened to my gut feelings and joined the other monastery!

Outgoing Master : (Giggles) I would say the same time it took for you to arrive. What a load off my shoulders! Bye!!

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A true Master knows that even humor can enlighten!

Run Till You Drop!

Two aliens on Earth were discussing the characteristics of Human Beings. E.T.(X) who arrived not too long ago posed the following questions to its counterpart E.T.(Y) who arrived many years earlier.

E.T. (X) : Why do babies crawl so fast?

E.T. (Y) : Unlike adults, they cannot run yet, so they do next best thing.

E.T. (X) : And why do kids run everywhere despite their parents’ plea for them to sit still?

E.T. (Y) : Well, kids have so much energy in them. As such, they are generally hyperactive.

E.T. (X) : Hmm… What about the adults? They seem to live a hectic life, running errands, chasing after their clients, chasing after material wealth, etc.. Why?

E.T. (Y) : At that stage, they feel they are running out of time, so they chase after the numerous goals they have set for themselves. In most cases, they feel that they are running late on their many schedules in life.

E.T. (X) : That is scary! But tell me, why do they stop when they become elderly people and start asking funny questions like “What is all this running about?”.

E.T. (Y) : Ha…ha.. That is the same question I had when I landed on Earth years ago. It is most definitely the mother of all Human ironies! You see, Human Beings are fast runners in life …. But unfortunately they are extremely slow learners. It takes them THAT long to finally acquire some form of wisdom before they start pondering the meaning of life!!!

E.T. (X) : That is SO hilarious! I think I am going to phone home right now, to share this cosmic joke with my family!